My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
