i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
