I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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