Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
