i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
