im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
