Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
