you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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