Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
4 words: hood of his car
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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