You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
