Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
