i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
