You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
