oh god the rape fog is back!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
