dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I have tasted many bathrooms
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
