I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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