You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
