who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
This is not my ceiling
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
