he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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