Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
