butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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