Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
