I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
