Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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