I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
