He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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