I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
