I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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