guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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