it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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