I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
