Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
