Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
