I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
