Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
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