Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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