the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
