why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
