Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
