Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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