The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
