She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
