Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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