do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
