everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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