you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Vodka?
Forever.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
