Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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