I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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