just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
