I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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